Jerry in the Best Shape of His Life!

Today is opening day in baseball. Personally it was okay, but I spent most of the day working and I didn’t get to see the game live. I did watch it tonight and it was pretty bad. The Phillies basically wouldn’t let the Pirates do a damn thing and the Phillies were able to get a run later on in the game and that’s all they needed. Meanwhile, the Pens won and Da Bulls won. So yeah, overall it was an okay sports day. But I just want to see the Pirates win it all, they hadn’t done so since I was still about 5 or 6 months away from being born.

Anyways, this time of year, a lot of baseball writers seem to run out the “Best Shape of His Life” stories about players who actually eat right and get fit for their freaking jobs. It happens so much that there are some sites out there that keep track of the stories. If you spend a lot of time during spring training reading baseball stories, you find yourself reading one, even if by accident.

I guess they don’t do these stories about fans. I mean, that’d just be crazy, unless it’s the Onion.

Random Fan X is in best shape of his life for opening day. This year he will restrict his eating during the 81 home games that he bought season tickets for to just 3 cups of beer and 2 servings of nachos. He will park his car in downtown Pittsburgh and walk across the Clemente Bridge instead of parking a couple blocks away. He will also only order one pizza during road games and will invite someone over to his house to help eat it. Manager Clint Hurdle said that it was great to see some fans get ready for the standing ovations and drunken excitement of victory. He also said that if Pedro Alvarez just doesn’t cut it at 3B, then maybe Random Fan X can sign a contract to come in and take over for defensive purposes later in games and maybe even take a few at bats for him.

Of course, former SS Jack Wilson complained that Random Fan X wasn’t in that good of shape for the 2007 season, but since he’s no longer with the Pirates, only idiotic fans who thought Wilson was better than Derek Jeter care what he has to say about anything. The Mets are wondering if he could come over and replace former Pirate Jason Bay in LF…

Yeah, I should have gotten a job writing for the Onion, I mean who there is referencing a fight between Jack Wilson and Jose Castillo 5 years after the fact and three years since either of them played for Pittsburgh?

Anyways, for me, the hard part will be to not fall back in to drinking during the baseball season. It’s relatively easy to not drink when your team is doing pretty well (Steelers, Penguins, Bulls) but when your team stinks, you just wanna pick up some beers and drown the sorrow away. Of course the 2010 season was so awful I drank and ate myself to probably over 320 lbs. I was too afraid to even step on a scale in those days.

On the other hand, I’m wearing an XL t-shirt for the first time in years. Well, I had this one on back in December, but in that before picture it didn’t fit at all. Now it’s actually kind of slimming on me. Which is different, I should try to remember that slimming feels better than drinking the losing away…

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